Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I never had to say goodbye to him as much as I do. It's almost like once we finally get settled into our life, he has to leave again.
Is there even a way to get used to this? No. There is not. None. Never will happen. I know that I shouldn't be having such a hard time with this right now, I mean c'mon Krystle.. it's only two weeks, I just went through a 7 month deployment. I know that I can do this, and I know that I can be okay and take care of myself and our house while he's away.
It's just the fact that, without him.. I feel empty.
Part of my is fighting this feeling, while the other part is giving in to my emotions. I don't know which part of my I should side with right now. I want to be strong, hell I AM strong and I know this because of the 7 months we spent apart and because of the things I have already overcome. But I just wish I didn't always have to be as strong as I am. Sometimes I wish I could be the one that leaves, and the one that he worries about constantly, the one that is in danger, and the one that did not always have to be alone.
But the thing is, I don't want him to feel the way that I do. I know how much it hurts me, and I don't want him to feel pain that way.
So, I'll stick to the role that I have.
And I will do it while I hold my head up high, I will take care of our life at home while he is taking care of his responsibilities at work. I will make him proud, but more importantly...
I will make myself proud.
I can do this.
Talking myself down from an emotional fit by writing all my feelings down on here is one of the best things I have ever discovered. It constantly makes me realize that I am stronger then I think and that I can overcome anything that the USMC throws at us.
I will overcome & deal with anything I need to in order to keep you in my life.
You are my everything & nothing will ever change that.
I love you.
<3
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